And with that, I'm off. Here's Jamie Jackson's match report again. Bye!

Here are some snippets from Michael Carrick's post-match interview:

It was more than disappointing. I think everybody's got to take responsibility for that. I'll take responsibility for the overall team and performance, it stops with me and I'm fine with that. But as a supporter of this football club, to see a performance like that is unacceptable, I have to say.

I'll look at what we've done. It's the motivation and the purpose and the intensity of a game of football that you have to bring. We didn't bring that today. You can't choose when you want to perform or you don't, when you give absolutely everything and when perhaps you don't.

I care an unbelievable amount about the supporters. They're the heartbeat of this football club and always will be. I've got to apologise for the performance. Everything they've done to get here tonight, for them to watch that performance tonight, I feel for them.

Tonight's not about me. It's about digesting the game, and how it went. That's the most important thing right now.

I assume this is a wave of apology rather than farewell.

Thankfully we can rely on Jamie Jackson, who is lakeside for us tonight. And here is his match report!

In sight of the Alps, a boat ride from George Clooney's villa, Manchester United will hope, in what has been a terrible start to the season, that things do not get any worse.

They can't – for the team's prospects, and Michael Carrick's job security, because witnessed here by Lake Como was a humiliation of the three-times European champions by Cesc Fàbregas's competition debutants, as United suffered their worst defeat in continental football since 1994.

By 57 minutes this was over, as Como were 3-0 ahead, and Nico Paz had destroyed Carrick's men with a scintillating display featuring two goals and the assist for Tasos Douvikas's strike.

Much more here:

It may take Manchester United fans some time to get over this performance/result, but TNT Sports have moved on pretty quickly. As I suppose they had to, given that loads more games start in five minutes, but doesn't help me bring you the hottest reaction from a windswept, drenched Como.

The fun doesn't end here! The 8pm games include Bayern Munich v Arsenal, which Scott Murray is monitoring here:

And also Aston Villa v Viking, Real Madrid v RB Leipzig and quite a lot more, which Sarah Rendell has to keep up with here:

The good news for Michael Carrick is that Dimitar Berbatov, on TNT Sports, doesn't say that United now have to beat Bournemouth on Sunday for him to stay in his job. The bad news for Carrick is that Berbatov's reasoning is that Carrick might not still be in his job on Sunday. "I don't think everyone was giving their best," Berbatov says of this performance. "It didn't look like that on the pitch. Como were having fun."

Manchester United's next few games:

United's players wander over to apologise to whatever flimsy remnant of the travelling support isn't already drowning their sorrows in a nearby hostelry.

90+4 mins: Say what you like about this United performance, they completely dominated that period of stoppage time, and won it 1-0!

United do have their consolation! Amad chips the pass into the box, Zirkzee escapes from his marker and brings it down beautifully, leaving himself with a pretty easy finish which he calmly completes.

90+1 mins: There'll be three minutes of stoppage time, or thereabouts.

89 mins: … Not like that they can't. Lacey takes the corner, and three defenders line up at the near post to boot it clear, which one of them emphatically does.

89 mins: Amad wins United a corner. Could they end the night with a consolation?

87 mins: Lacey swiftly earns himself a booking. "The Guardian called for jeopardy in this competition. I think Man Utd have found it for you," writes Ian Copestake. Their remaining Champions League fixtures: Roma (h), Sporting (a), Leipzig (h), Bayern Munich (h), Villarreal (a).

86 mins: Another United substitution, Lacey replacing Mbeumo.

84 mins: Kempf is booked, I think less for bringing down Amad than for being grumpy with the referee for giving the free-kick.

82 mins: The last time Manchester United lost by four goals in Europe was more than 30 years ago, against a team that included Stoichkov, Romario and some chap called Guardiola.

80 mins: Como bring on Smolcic, Ricci and Dossena, and take off Couto, Paz and Perrone.

79 mins: Amass comes on for De Ligt, whose return from injury is the silver lining to tonight's miserable, charcoal-grey cloud for United.

78 mins: Como are hunting for a fifth, but Paz shoots too close to Lammens.

That is delicious. Ramon, the centre-back, spots Maguire creeping out of position and reckons he can get into that empty space before anyone notices. And turns out he was right. Kaiki Bruno sees him sprinting into an empty penalty area and sends in a perfect, precise cross, and Ramon hammers his header home from six yards!

73 mins: Zirkzee has brought a bit of extra pace and energy to the United team, if not any improvement in control. "Well, although it is quite funny (as a Liverpool fan) to watch a club swing from one manager to another chasing a dominance they once had (ahem), how much of the current malaise can be blamed on trying to keep up with the noisy neighbours across the city?" wonders Andy Flintoff (not that one). "Feeling that they have to do that has probably accelerated that swing and made the lurches more extreme." I suppose it can't have helped, though it seemed to have more of a positive effect on some other teams (if not their bank balances).

69 mins: Kaiki Bruno and his exemplary caterpillar moustache comes on for Da Cunha.

67 mins: Bruno Fernandes is taken off, which feels a bit like an admission of defeat. Zirkzee replaces him.

66 mins: Amad shoots from 22 yards or so. The ball flies over Butez's head and was probably also going over the bar but the keeper made sure.

64 mins: Como bring Caqueret on for Baturina. United have been playing for the last five minutes or so with Mazraoui on the right and Dalot on the left.

62 mins: Amad has been bright since he came on at half-time. He's at the heart of a United attack but it ends with a blind cross, and a clearance. "Watching United at the moment, they look like a side completely in limbo, unable to move on," writes Paul Flint. "The players surely know that Carrick is going sooner rather than later, and must be wondering about their futures. It doesn't encourage in-game focus, however much they may be paid."

60 mins: Tielemans has a shot from the edge of the area, but it's more of an apology than a challenge and Butez picks it up.

59 mins: Paz tries another curler, this one from the edge of the D, but this one floats too close to Lammens.

Baleba hits a pass into Nico Paz's shins just inside the United half and the ball runs beautifully into the Argentinian's path, so he heads off, runs into the area, draws the keeper, and slides the ball across goal and in at the far post!

56 mins: An actually good United move ends with Mount flicking the ball towards Bruno Fernandes, but it's intercepted.

55 mins: Como should have had a third! Paz passes to Da Cunha, who shifts onto his left foot to open up a great shooting chance, 12 yards out, but then cuts across the ball rather than curling it with his instep, and it skews the wrong side of the post!

54 mins: "I know watching United's downfall has been fun for rival fans, I totally get that and don't blame them for relishing it," writes Lee Woolsey. "And I know this gets said a lot by fans about their team when they're playing badly, but I'm sorry: this United team just look like they don't care. They were a goal down after two minutes and the remaining 43 were an exercise in collective shoulder shrugging by a team of mercenaries assembled by a parasitic reign of witches. People DIED for this club. These players are a risible disgrace." It's very easy to blame the players, though. They aren't well coached. They haven't been well recruited. It's the whole edifice.

52 mins: "Not having a screen to watch this on, and just going on your mbm, I don't think that Mount hasn't been mentioned, is he doing as little as suggested?" wonders Martin Lancon. In brief, yes. United's midfield hasn't done very much. There were a couple of moments in the first half when Mount exchanged passes with Bruno Fernandes and the pair briefly looked pretty classy, but they haven't achieved anything creatively. And as I type that Mount has a rubbish shot from 30 yards.

50 mins: That's just so easy. Paz carries the ball forwards, Douvikas runs into a massive space between De Ligt, who just didn't see the run coming, and Maguire – the Dutchman stumbles at a crucial moment, but he was already out of the race – and finishes superbly!

A brighter restart for United, but in just over three minutes they're two down!

46 mins: Peeeeep! The game has restarted, and United have made a double halftimely substitution, Matheus Cunha and Andrey Santos going off, Diallo and Baleba coming on.

Just one goal, and that from a wonderful shot from outside the area, does not really reflect what has not been a tightly-contested game. United had one good chance, after just a couple of minutes, and even that came after some terrible ball control from Diogo Dalot and a lucky bounce off Perrone, for whom Dalot's inability to control a football had been not so much unpredictable as unimaginable. I'm not sure what Uefa classify as an "attack" but Como have had 16 of them, and United five.

45+2 mins: It never rains but it pours, etc.

45+1 mins: One minute of stoppage time stands between United and the hairdryer treatment (or whatever it is they get these days when they've been rubbish).

45 mins: An actual shot for United! Matheus Cunha gets the ball on the left-hand corner of the area, back to goal, then spins and sends a curling effort onto the roof of the net.

43 mins: More work for Lammens, this time to keep out Baturina's 20-yarder. He can't hold it, but Douvikas is offside again as he reaches the rebound. "It's mindblowing," writes Joshua Keeling, "that Diogo Dalot is a professional footballer."

41 mins: United are saved by the offside flag! Douvikas is played through again, Lammens comes out and the striker goes over his leg … but the flag is up!

39 mins: Real chance! Yan Couto, no pressure on him, plays a lovely pass over the United defence to Douvikas, who brings it under control before wildly mishitting his shot, which skews off his shin high and wide when really he should have scored.